People talk about having a purpose in life, or searching for one, or how a particular thing gives them "purpose." What does this mean, and what's the source of mine, if I have it?
It seems like purpose is when effort spent now feels like it's going towards something of higher-importance in the future. For some people, it's a dream -- Patrick has wanted to be a high energy physicist since 7th grade, so when he does quantum field theory homework, it is for more than just a grade: the hours he spends now are deposited into a vault which will eventually be cashed out in the form of being a professor. And this makes his late nights worthwhile.
Some people feel their purpose is to live a certain type of lifestyle -- they'd like to eventually be able to give to others with all their heart, so they give what they can today. Or religion steps in and the idea is that every act or deed performed with religion in mind will help to later lead a more holy life, or to have a happier eternity. Talking to Gus just now, what drives him is the ultimate goal of being a capable person, which is worked towards by acquiring skills like cooking, playing the piano, and setting up a vacuum chamber, for examples.
Regardless, I think that purpose is when an everyday effort is made more special by the idea that it will make the future better. Some effort does not contribute to a person's sense of purpose, so it isn't as palatable, which is why people tend to gravitate toward things that contribute to their ultimate purpose.
So, in thinking about this, where's my sense of purpose? I feel the most inspired when what I'm doing will help me have a happier family someday. A dinner cooked for Pearl feels like it requires far less energy than one cooked for Gus and Patrick, perhaps because I feel like it "invests" that time in the future, because there's a chance she'll be part of that 'happy family' in my mind, whereas it's more indirect to imagine the dinner leading to Uncle Gus and Uncle Patrick having a big impact on my future family.
The time I spend improving myself, whether through trying to acquire knowledge or emotional intelligence, often feels easier to motivate if I think about it as making myself a "better catch" for my future wife, or a better dad for any future kids. And when I have little to no luck dating, as I did last year, it really gets me down.
This is also tied into the type of person I'd like to grow into -- someone who is understanding and compassionate, and who can tell loads of interesting stories of adventures through life, paired with wisdom and knowledge to get through just about anything life can through at you. The idea of growing into this person is also a source of motivation and purpose, so time spent reflecting, as well as spent improving myself as I mentioned above, is also with this future-Kieran in mind.
Physics, on the other hand, feels like TV or a drug, in some sense, which lives more in the present than my future dreams of companionship or the type of person I'd like to be. The highs I get from expanding my mind are great, but I guess I have a hard time envisioning a future to which they will lead. I know that I will never understand the whole world, and the more I live, the more I see there is to learn outside the realm of physics. I could study for my whole life and wouldn't even come close to brushing up against most of the topics that human knowledge spans. Will the highs get better over time? I don't think so; the mind explosion I had back in high school when trying to comprehend the size of the universe felt about the same as the one I had last year when I learned about path integrals and the ideas of quantum electrodynamics. For this reason, it doesn't feel as if I am escalating towards anything with my pursuit of physics knowledge; it feels more like I have found something that makes me happy in the present moment -- a fun and creative source for problem solving, punctuated by amazing insights and new perspectives -- but I don't feel much of a higher purpose to strive toward physics mastery in the future. (It does teach me skills, though, so that I feel like it is making me a more capable person at the end of each week, which does align with some of my sense of purpose.)
Does this mean I am in the wrong line of work? Is it bad if my career is not what gives me purpose? Will I find something that does someday? There's also purpose attained from having an impact on people's lives, so how does that factor in? How much is purpose inherently selfish? I think that, as one of the first times I've put such thoughts into words, I've oversimplified things into thinking people have only one or two big sources of purpose, and that's it; there are surely degrees of purpose, and someone can have a whole slew of things that motivate them to varying degrees. To say that I derive no purpose from physics is too simplistic -- advancing both my knowledge every day and, in an infinitesimal way, humanity's, does stir something in me -- but at first glance, when comparing to what else I have written, it is not as significant.
Just some preliminary thoughts on the subject; thanks for reading p diz!
